February 5, 2016
Question
Dear Ricky,
I am currently 23 years old, and like yourself, I also have Duchenne muscular dystrophy. My problem is that getting a date seems so impossible. Whenever I ask a random girl out, they either give me a definite no, or ignore me altogether. Please tell me what to do. It is very frustrating. I often become angry and envious because everyone has a chance except for me.
Signed,
Lonely
Answer
Dear Lonely,
Asking every girl who comes near you out on a date is not a good idea. It makes you seem desperate, and even if you are, you don’t want to come across that way. You are much better off getting to know her first before trying to initiate a romantic connection.
You are correct though. It is a very frustrating situation. I’ve been there, and in fact, I’m still there. Have you looked in the mirror lately? They don’t see us like we wish they could or would. Unfortunately, some things in life are out of our control, but that doesn’t mean we are less of a man than others.
Think of this as an opportunity to become more of a man because learning to remain focused, without getting bitter, makes you stronger. Don’t let yourself resent someone, just because she rejects your proposition. We are our own men, defined, according to who we are, without the manipulation of outside influences.
This is nothing more than a process of preparation; a test, if you will. If you succumb to being a jerk and give up on your gentlemanly side, then you’re no better than anyone else. And if that special girl finally comes along, you’ll know how to treat her right. Be patient, but more importantly, stay true to yourself.
Ricky
May 13, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
I met a guy recently that I’m really fond of. Our first date lasted a few hours, which felt like no time had passed. But something felt off when I asked about his job. He was visibly nervous and hardly revealed anything. I later confronted him and he admitted to being unemployed. I don’t mind that he is looking, but he lied to me. Should I give him another chance?
Signed,
Confused
Answer
Dear Confused,
Since you’re really fond of him, you’ll probably regret not giving him a second chance. But that’s beside the point because before entering a relationship, it’s always important to make sure you’re comfortable with the situation at hand. You can’t just go in without using a bit of logic.
Do you think you can put this lie behind you and make things work? You need to answer this to yourself with complete honestly. In his defence though, unemployment is a very embarrassing thing for many, especially during a date conversation. Try to put yourself in his shoes.
Whatever you decide, remember that people are just human sometimes. Awkward moments happen. If you do let him in your heart, take it slow and start by getting to know him more. It might do the both of you some good!
Ricky
May 1, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
I hear about my cheating ex-boyfriend from time to time. He started dating that girl a month after we broke up. Apparently, they have never been seen apart from each other, which really hurts because I was busy with my studies during college. I regret not having the time and feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. How do I overcome these negative feelings?
Signed,
Jealous
Answer
Dear Jealous,
Truth be told, it doesn’t matter that he cheated on you, and it makes no difference how he is going on with another. We only deserve the choices we make in life, and this is your opportunity to choose better. You’re right that you weren’t good enough for him… because he never appreciated you, which makes it his fault alone.
You overcome this by not indulging yourself with gossip. Remove yourself from that negative source. If it’s a friend or family member, ask them kindly not to talk about him in front of you. Perhaps you’re using his relationship as a way to keep your mind busy from the pain he inflicted, but it’s time to depend on yourself.
Always remember that you possess the power to determine your destiny. Your life is not defined by what others do, but how you treat yourself. Do you really want to end up with someone who had the heart to put you on the backburner, for preparing your future, no less?
Sometimes, how we feel does not necessarily reflect upon the truth. Sometimes, you have to look at the situation from the outside in order to see that truth. You have the choice to love yourself more. That is yours to own.
Ricky
April 15, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
My girlfriend thinks that I’m not a good boyfriend and wants me to change. She says I spend too much time playing video games and drinking with the buddies. Isn’t it her job to accept me? Also, I’m not into all the romantic stuff that she likes. How do I get things right again? I’m very angry at myself, but I don’t know what to do.
Signed,
Frustrated
Answer
Dear Frustrated,
While it’s good that you’re making an effort to save the relationship, the most important thing is for you to stop making excuses. Not being a romantic doesn’t mean you can just leave everything up in the air. Thinking of only your needs is selfish, which is exactly what she’s looking for when it comes to change.
And no, it isn’t her “job” to accept you, especially when you’re not focusing enough on her. Finding acceptance in who you are has nothing to do with embracing your laziness, and in this case, her loneliness resulting from your neglect. Of course, there are many ways to rekindle what you once had (you are fortunate that she’s giving you another chance). However, the key to love comes down to one critical question: what can I do for her?
It makes no difference if you’re into romance or not. Everyone is unique and she obviously loves you, but women like men who are confident in themselves. You must find confidence in your own judgment for making her happy. Notice, recognize, and acknowledge her. Apply your observations and simply… be with her.
Ricky
April 2, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
My wife and I recently lost our little girl because of cancer. I had to continue working to pay for the medical expenses, but my wife stayed by her side throughout the entire process. Now, after three months, she is very distant and quiet and seems to resent me. I feel so guilty on top of the hurt of losing my daughter. Is it possible to rekindle our relationship/marriage again?
Signed,
Lost
Answer
Dear Lost,
First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to fathom what you and your wife are going through! However, you must first understand that you did nothing wrong. You did what you had to do to support your family, and your sacrifice was nothing short of noble. It’s just every action includes a reaction. Sometimes the severe emotional agony can blind us.
That being said, the ball is currently in your court. You both lost someone so precious, but her relationship is different and perhaps even deeper because she physically carried and gave birth to your daughter. It is imperative for you to have a mindset of letting go before you undertake winning back your wife because if you’re not willing to risk everything for her, you might as well quit already.
She is probably waiting for you to take the initiative. She is probably waiting for you to make the effort to console her broken heart. So let her become your inspiration. Make her your reason and opportunity to build a stronger marriage. And without accusation, take a leap for her and reveal your genuine feelings of not having a choice with your financial situation. Talk to your wife!
The point is to show your love without focusing on her acknowledgment. Demonstrate to her that you aren’t looking for anything in return. Just love her, simply and honestly. Chase after her and make her yours all over again. Let her see the hope of the “us” that still lingers in your eyes.
Ricky
March 25, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
I have a child with Duchenne muscular dystrophy and my husband is habitually cheating on me. He says he loves our family and that he doesn’t want to lose us, but then he keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s getting really hard every day and I want to leave, but I’m so afraid I won’t be able to do this on my own. What should I do?
Signed,
Betrayed
Answer
Dear Betrayed,
First and foremost, I’m sure you’re still going through the pros and cons of staying in this marriage, which is absolutely normal. But ask yourself: though financial safety exists, can you really trust someone who constantly commits adultery, despite your feelings? He doesn’t love you or your child because if he did, there wouldn’t even be an issue.
Think about what would happen if you contracted a sexually transmitted disease. It sounds to me that you are your son’s main caregiver. If something happened to you, nobody else would be devoted enough to attend his needs. You lack security in your life and it’s time to get it on your own, without relying on his unreliable rear end. Just don’t hesitate to ask a friend or family member for assistance. There is no shame in needing help.
With this disease, initiative is everything. Nobody can tell you what to do, but rewards will only come from sacrifice. Single parenthood is more challenging than words could ever describe, especially alongside DMD, but I’ve seen strong and independent women do it and so it’s possible. Don’t be anyone’s victim. Be your own heroine instead!
Ricky
March 21, 2015
Question
Dear Ricky,
How do I trust someone again after being in an abusive relationship? Whenever I go on dates, I always analyze everything to make sure there are no signs of emotional abuse patterns. I cry all the time when I remember how my ex-boyfriend used to continuously reject me. How do I determine if a guy is genuine or not?
Signed,
Distraught
Answer
Dear Distraught,
Forgetting the past is one thing, but you need to stop forgetting about yourself. Going from one boy to the next in search of Mr. Right is not the way to go, especially when your mindset is not ready for a relationship. When it comes to not being loved, you must take the initiative and provide yourself the love that he won’t offer. Be your own best friend.
I understand that your horrific experiences have caused you to question if you were at fault with his behaviour. In so many ways, you blame yourself and are looking for redemption in other men, but bad memories cannot be undone by putting sand over them. You have to really deal and overcome. Separate yourself from the scared little girl inside, so to speak, and do for yourself what a mother would do for her daughter. Take care of yourself and make the right choices for healing before heading back into the scene.
And as for the intentions of men, don’t rush. Take the time to begin a friendship and communicate. Understand each other and then consider. You’ll know in time if he is the real thing. Just don’t give your heart away so quickly. Have a little faith in yourself!
Ricky
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